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Date: February 2006
JUST A FANTASY
I had this fantasy, this...thing...I was going to try, to win your heart. It went like this...
We'd spend the day together, having a good time. Circumstances were such that I was able to finally, truly, be comfortable around you. We'd be sitting on your couch and I'd say, "Close your eyes and hold out your hands. I want to give you something." In some versions, I climb onto your lap, straddling you, others, I just remain sitting next to you, or maybe in front of you, on the floor.
I'd have a token, or a piece of candy, something to put in your hands, but as I did so, I'd lean forward. My eyes would travel over your face as I got closer, taking you in, noticing all the little things I was too nervous to notice normally. I could imagine my heart beating faster as my eyes focused on your lips. Hopefully, my breathing wouldn't give me away. Just as I'd place the "gift" in your hands, I'd kiss you. I'd try to make it a good one, maybe grasping one of your lips between mine. But I'm probably not that good of a kisser and it would probably turn out awkward.
Anyway, in one version of this fantasy, I pull away and you're stunned. I'm embarrassed and we act as if nothing's happened. At least, I think we do. It could be I've never imagined past you being stunned. And in the other version, heh, in the other version, you drop the gift, eyes opening in surprise, but then you close them again. Somebody opens their mouth, and the kiss deepens. You bring one hand around to the small of my back, and pick me up/push me down onto the cushions. My legs part so you can settle between them and our lips have not yet come unentwined.
The thought of you wanting me, desiring me, dare I say, lusting after me, is enough to make my body quiver. But it's just a fantasy. Just some silly, foolish thing I thought up to have something to look forward to, to work for...to anticipate. But that's all gone now.